The Case of the Writer Who Quit Smoking

I really should be spending this time writing my column for the paper, but I have absolutely NO ideas, inspiration or desire to be PC right now. This is my third day not smoking and I think my brains have started to ooze out of my newly opened sinuses. Yes, I've decided to get off the hammock and do something good for my body, so I smoked my last cigarette and joined our local "aquatics club." I've replaced filling my lungs with smoke by filling them with over-chlorinated pool water. It's been a rewarding trade off. The ultra-strong jets in the jacuzzi are almost more pleasing than inhaling, and I feel so clean after hours in the pool that I hate to think of ruining myself with the disgusting smell of tobacco. And cloves. Ooooh. Aaahhh. Cloves. Ummmm.
Well, swimming has been a nice distraction from smoking, but it's raining today and I want a cigarette so bad I'm about to chew my fingers off. Maybe I should just go swim in the cold rain. But....

Today is one of the days I've been waiting to enjoy for a long time now. Every day that I sat working at my desk and watching the rain fall outside my window, I wished I could be at home, curled on the couch with my leopard blanket watching old movies while eating warm brownies fresh out of the oven. Well, I've got my blanket, some brownies, and Perry Mason comes on in 7 minutes. Hopefully that will suffice.

A few moisty morsels to get going

Because I never want to forget this most wonderful (please insert any and all positive and beautiful adjectives you can think of) time in my life, I'm going to sorta journal some of my beautiful days doing just about whatever it is that I feel like doing, since I no longer have to get up and go to a job that gave me the perpetual Sunday Night Blues. Someday I'll tell the story, but for now you'll have to wait.

I should warn all of you readers who will no doubt become my faithful admirers- I'm making NO COMMITMENTS to either frequency, content consistency or political correctness of any kind.


So to begin with....

Today I finished reading the third book I've read these past three weeks, The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test. It's been a loooooonnngg time since I've been able to read a book allll the waayyy to the end. I'm thinking of doing some reviews, but I don't really feel like doing it right now. And since I don't have to....

I've realized in these past days of remote-surfing my whopping 34 channels, minus channel one, less the five "hispanic" channels, subtract out the Asian channel and forgetting about C-SPAN (why is this even a channel?) that I'm really out of touch with what's going on in the world. My years of ignorant bliss should really come to an end. I've been hiding from the news for so long that I cannot carry on normal conversation anymore. I'll be talking with someone thinking I'm having intellectual conversation and then they'll say something like "Ahmadinejad" and I just know I get that look on my face. The one that makes me want to smack the shit out of the stupid fuck wearing it. So, since I can't get past the melodramatics of Channel 7 News, maybe I'll start reading a paper. Or something.

And now, the kids are finally in bed and a long awaited cigarette calls to me, begging, pleading, insisting that I MUST go outside and look at the moon.

My goal for tomorrow:

Eat as many Reese's Fast Break snack bars as I possibly can while watching either all of the court TV shows I can find, a home shopping channel, or an entire season of Bewitched.